Words written by Kathryn Dawe….
Resistance is futile….change is coming for you, like it or not…
You know, change…well, change can be given quite a lot of descriptive words and phrase sentiments… like, scary, too much, need to, don’t like it, trying to, you need it, want it, don’t want it, and so on…right?! It smacks of a push and pull between something we want, and something that maybe we don’t so much. Brow beating ourselves and others with the many layers and textures that it invokes. And at times it can seem to be shoving us from behind in an attempt to dislodge us from our seeming complacency, usually when we are in deep resistance because we like it in our comfy armchair. At other times, maybe a bit less frequent, these days anyway, we choose to be courageous and harness the power that is propelling us forward into something new and we end up having a much smoother and enjoyable time of it…this does not imply easy, more enjoyable yes.
That may not be now though…for some…
At this time, well let’s just say there are a lot of “sticks” stirring the pot, aren’t there? Sticks that we didn’t choose, wielded by hands we don’t even know…and that can be the rub, right? The realization that we have no control over any of this and the ripples, waves and tsunami it has created. Yet, this is the point, is it not? That we have no control over these events and the chaos they bring, nor over the changes that come, only a few that are within our own control. So, how do we ride the ripples, or waves of change instead of resist them and end up battered with mud and twigs in our hair and teeth?
Isn’t it interesting this push and pull? Perhaps that was rhetorical, but maybe not…Like the push-me-pull-you from Dr Dolittle. We want things to be different, but only under our own specifications and guidelines. Or it needs to be someone or something else that needs to make the “different” happen. Isn’t this funny. When we know very well that this is not possible at all. Some may try their hardest though, to force life to happen within a perfectly formed structure. But life has plans of its own for us, that we can choose to resist or harness. This is really the choice, isn’t it? And in my way of thinking, it takes way more energy to resist the waves of change than it does to acknowledge the temporary uncertainty, grab your courage and ride them.
So…let’s first talk about, in spite of the energy it takes to resist, what may be holding you back from making the changes that you want, or from embracing and leveraging some changes that maybe you are feeling like you don’t so much want. This aside from what you hear constantly about comfort zones, motivation, will power and self confidence. Ok?
OK…I’m assuming here that you said ok. You did, right?! Ok then, let’s get started!
Let me ask you a question, as if you have a choice here, right? Do you believe that it is possible for you to hold your life in a state of stasis, in other words, in a state of no change? Like being preserved in amber…ok, well we’re not talking the bronzed baby shoes here. Do you really believe that this is possible? And also, as you watch the world, do you believe that as a living system, that it was created for this to even be possible? I know I certainly don’t…so, if change is inevitable, and you cannot control any change outside of yourself, or maybe your close personal environment…although this is more of a cause and effect type scenario. Then you cannot avoid what is a natural state of being. And…since this is the case, would it not be possible, and perhaps best the whole way ’round, to not only embrace, but learn how to leverage change as an entity that promotes progress for your highest good? Which, in turn, sends out its own ripples into the environment around you.
I know I said I was going to ask you a question, and that was a few. It got you considering though didn’t it? Considering some of what you actually believe about change and how it can affect you and will. And your beliefs are the cornerstone of how you occupy the world and why. And above all, beliefs can hold you back, or propel you forward…it is up you to determine which you will choose.
” Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, and your values become your destiny” – Ghandi
Now, my ex-husband is afraid of all change…we’ve been divorced for almost 20 years, and I swear he is still wearing the same sweatshirts! But really, fear is the thing that prevents us from, number one, getting radically honest, and number two, from moving through the temporary discomfort of stepping forward into the unknown. As if, if you are completely honest with yourself, you really want to stay where you are now. In your feelings of wanting something more. Wanting something different. Wanting something new. That armchair may have once been comfy, we both know that it isn’t any longer. So, what’s keeping you there? Is it fear of the unknown? Fear of how change may affect your life and the lives of those around you? Fear of what others will say? Fear of all the things…in my previous post Choose Your Master I talk about fear and what it really is and what it really isn’t…and that you can choose otherwise.
So many of our limiting beliefs are fear driven, and not necessarily our own. They are habits that we have learned and used over years and even decades. Used to categorize ourselves, separate ourselves, justify ourselves, minimize ourselves, label ourselves, sustain ourselves etc…and we use them in regard to others as well. Our reasons why we can’t, our reasons why we can. Thus, beliefs can either create or destroy…whether you say you can, or you say you can’t, as the saying goes…you will always be right. Now all of this is happening in our minds, the reasoning, the excuses, the knowledge. And the truth is, is that a belief is nothing more than having a sense of certainty that something is true…a note here, this does not make it so. And this is the key, to recognize that when we start to question our negative beliefs, or even a particular one, bringing in doubt will weaken the belief. Doubt is your friend here when you are wanting to dismantle a belief that is limiting. And to fully dismantle it, you must break the pattern. And questioning it, “is this actually true?” is the first step to breaking the pattern and embracing change, but leveraging it in order to create the life that you truly want.
At this point, the next best thing that you can do for yourself is to ask yourself, “how do I feel when I believe that thought or fear?”…what becomes your experience and behavior when you take a look at a particular belief that is holding you back, or in place? And then ask yourself, “what has holding this belief or fear cost me in my life?”. Really allow yourself to experience this, and everything that goes along with it. Write it down, whatever comes up… Then ask yourself, “what may it cost me in the future?”….this will be the very wake-up call that you need..the call to the truth and to the possibility that your future does not have to be the same as your past….so, what is it then? What is that belief or fear? I want you to know something here…that in every single moment, every single one, you can make a new or different choice…You can show yourself that in spite of this old belief or fear, that you are willing to choose you, and choose a new belief, a new statement that empowers you, that you can leverage in those times this are challenging, uncomfortable or uncertain. So, instead of “I am afraid…” it is “I am brave!”….instead of “I can’t”, “I must, and I will!”… Instead of “It’s too late…” say “This is the perfect time!”…and so it goes…these are the pebbles or rocks that you can drop into the pond that will create the ripples that you want in your life!
So, I invite you to take yourself through the questions and exercises above…so that the next time you are considering a change, or wanting to do something new or unexpected even, that you have tools that will help you to be courageous in order to align with what you truly want for your life…and to take the necessary action to actually make that happen…