Words written by Kathryn Dawe…
( No chickens or small animals were harmed in the writing of this post…)
“There will be no wand waving or silly incantations in this class!”– Professor Snape….
Ahhhhh, I love Professor Snape…..
There have been many times in the past several years that I would have taken just about any option, including some good ol’ down south New Orleans VooDoo to help me magick my way out of Oz #expectopatronum and my many trips down the rabbit hole to Wonderland (really the murky depths of unresolved pain and emotions from past and more recent traumas)….not so wonderful there, I just gotta say….the trip alone, down the rabbit hole, is freaky enough! And as I’ve mentioned previously, I made every attempt to webinar, read, workbook and journal (well not really, I hate journaling)….myself into some semblance of a less messy human being….you know, one more enlightened, serene and, well, you know….put together and peaceful, and not chained to the past……ok, so this goes back to my idea of who I sometimes think I’m supposed to be, or maybe who I’d like to be if I was, you know, reincarnated or something….let’s retrace…. #stuckinthepast
Me…I really don’t do journaling, yet I feel like I “should” (there’s that word) be doing it because everyone says so….even my doctor today said “why don’t you try journaling”….I’m sure I totally rolled my eyes and let out a snort of disgust #nojournalprompts …it always makes me feel like I’m digging around in fluff, or need to be skipping around with rainbows and unicorns shooting out of my eyeballs, when I make an attempt to go through the ever dreaded list of journal prompts….I feel like I’m going in circles and getting more confused, not less confused…..my clarity, yet again, escapes me…and let’s not even talk about meditation…can’t, won’t, tried it, hate it…totally not for me… and the stuckness continues, much to my dismay….so, if not this, then what? How do you go about getting down to cases with yourself? You know….figure your shit out?
It has been like wrestling a crocodile to get to the actual damn truth about myself out of myself, can you say #steveirwin …. and what I am actually capable of doing or not, and what I’m in fact actually willing to do….or not….SO…what does actually work for me?…what’s my healing “style”?…you know…do I need to wear beads in my hair, light candles, read, cuss like a M-F-ER, or beat the ever living snot out of a pillow with a wooden spoon?…or even possibly do some of those irritating prompts….ok, let’s not go too far here….bubble wrap! That might just very well be the answer! Satisfying all the way around…. #ineedhelp
BUT seriously my friends…. the first thing that I had to give up was the “should” thing….that I “should” be writing out those journal prompts, or spending a few hours meditating, when I know perfectly well that they don’t work for me…but if they work for you, absolutely journal and meditate on! The key here is to get to the bald truth of the matter…be specific….what works for you?…one thing that I did was to start this blog….totally random, and totally to offload a lot of messiness that has been beating me about the head and shoulders for years….another thing that I’ve done, is to be as intentional as I can be around recognizing when my past is hijacking me and my thinking and behavior…now let me just qualify that and say this….I am not perfect and this shit does not change overnight…be kind and patient with yourself while you work through this stuff, since truth to tell, there are plenty of folks that won’t be….you know, just to offer you a bit more of a challenge….a 5.14b on the rock climbing scale of difficulty (hard as crap)…as if a 5.11 (pretty hard) wasn’t hard enough…
So…I ask you this first….where are you feeling stuck? Maybe you don’t even feel stuck, maybe you feel overwhelmed, or filled with anxiety or anger or disinterest….what is the truth about you at this very minute? And now let me ask you this….Does anything about this piss you off? I’ve found personally, that a healthy amount of pissed-offness can be a motivating factor in taking action to work through some of your past stories…So, what things do you want to be different? Let’s get really specific and clear here… What are the things that realistically make you feel like you are making any amount of progress when you are “re-styling”, (sorry, I’ve gotten sick of the words transformation and breakthrough), your life? What pieces are the building blocks to your “change” process? I call these your MEDICINE PIECES… What are the tactics that you will put aside because you know for a fact that you won’t do them, or they just don’t work for you? Let’s get real here….I, for example, know that I won’t do the journal prompts…..I know for sure that I need an outlet to express my emotions, no matter what that looks like….messy as hell and can take on the semblance of a fire breathing dragon….I know it, but I’ve got to release some of the pressure in order to begin at all….and then I can move into the areas of actual change and growth….
What are the things that you know you will not do in order to work through your past stuff? Now, what are the things that you ARE willing to do to begin to set yourself free of past experiences that keep you stuck? What is your #getshitdone style?