Words written by Kathryn Dawe…

Good god…how can this possibly be my life…and now what do I do?

If you are anything like me, you may have found yourself in this situation uttering these very words, or something similar, any number of times in your life…I know I sure have…the whole sliding down the bathroom wall to slump on the floor in despair…tears rolling down your cheeks and snot pouring from your nose…and not even caring…your head in your hands and you asking in disbelief… “how did I get here?!”…like you had suddenly been transported to some unlikely realm that was completely unrecognizable, yet eerily seemed way too familiar….we’ll call it the ghost lands ….where the ghosts of past choices meet with the dreams that were left in the dust by the wayside…like the ghost of Christmas past, but without the figgy pudding and sugar plums…

It can seem like the “how did I get here?” question literally is the very first thing that pops into your mind at a time when you are feeling lost, isolated, scared and certainly worried and you and your mind are screaming “ENOUGH! I can’t take anymore!”….so, as you have already pooled in your puddle of frustration, anger, loneliness etc…the real question becomes… the one that will actually be able to direct you and save you from repeated episodes on the bathroom floor is “now what do I do?” not “how did I get here?”….because the “how did I get here?” is the rabbit hole that does not end…forever lined with judgments, regrets and hindsight that will lead you nowhere but back to the bathroom, or the closet, or the bedroom, or wherever it is that you go…for me it was the bathroom…what is it about the bathroom that seems the perfect place for a meltdown, or need I call it a “slide-down”? Maybe it’s the nice cool tile, that is easy to clean after the tear and snotfest…hmmm…maybe…

Anyway…inherent in the phrase “ok, now what do I do?”, is a bold directive for truth….it is only from this place of radical truth that you can begin to understand the reality of exactly where you are in your life at that very moment…and believe me, I understand that this can feel scary and ugly…as I spent years under the boot of emotional abuse and trauma that led to many bathroom episodes…yet, it is the only way for you to know what the truth is, and what YOUR truth is in that moment….for when you live fully in the truth of what is and not what you “wish” it was, then you can make the informed decisions about what comes next…and this can be without apology or compromise…it is your choice to have a deep commitment to your dreams and inspirations that can be a part of your life, although maybe not in this version of your life right now….and these all stem from you being completely honest with yourself about your present reality…and when you can begin living this way, choosing truth, you can soar higher in your life than you could ever imagine…and keep in mind, if you are tempted to choose a path of denial instead…that denial is a game no one wins…it also leads eventually back to the bathroom floor…honor yourself and others with the truth today…this allows everyone the opportunity to choose what they will do from a place of honesty and trust…this is wisdom and leadership in action…a place of respect and most of all, responsibility…so, sit with yourself…ask yourself, where am I really? What is the absolute truth of my situation? Do your best to look at it from a place of objectivity and observation…as if you are a completely detached observer… from this place, what do you see? What is happening? This is not the time to speculate as to why, only notice what…as you allow yourself to see the reality, stay out of judgement and blame…this goes for judging and blaming yourself as well as others…the goal is to get to a place where you can say…”Ok, this is where I am…now what?”…write down whatever comes to mind, and I can almost guarantee that most of your thoughts will be ways to move forward constructively…this does not imply easy, or without challenges…the goal is to be able to move forward from a sense of clarity and honesty…

It is important for you to create boundaries as well at this time, if you do not already have some in place around what you would like to have happen going forward…and oftentimes this is how we ended up on the bathroom floor to begin with…a total lack of healthy boundaries and too many exterior and interior voices clamoring to be heard, and they know what the best thing to do is…for it can be tempting to allow yourself to be swayed or to continue to breathe life into old attachments and influences, as you attempt to finagle a halfway baked version of what you would truly like…know that this only saps your strength and drains the new life from what you are wanting to create instead…the avenues that you see as ways to move forward from your present circumstances…you have the ability to choose your boundaries…this is a sacred act of service to yourself, and really for the good of everyone involved…the goal is not to isolate yourself, or anyone else for that matter, but to embrace your ability to choose, as well as the ability of those around you to choose…this only furthers everyones ability to express and hold their own personal truth if they so choose…taking responsibility for their own part in present reality, and then being able to, themselves, “say now what?”, instead of “how did I get here?”… Or “how did we get here?”… right? Let’s leave any blame or fault on that bathroom floor…

Now…I know how challenging it can be to get to the “now what?”, and that it can be even more challenging to stay in the “now what?”…in our world today, you can feel the chill breeze of other’s opinions and influences…and not that you necessarily asked for them…I know for me, I tend to keep things to myself for much longer than is good for me… I am sure that many of you are familiar with that specific behavior…I believe it is meant to be protective, but it truly only amplifies your distress in the echo chamber of your mind…And then there are some that over share, no shade at all here! We all have our coping, or not coping mechanisms, and there is no judgment or shame that we have them…because we ALL have them in one form or another, and to one degree or another….this is the work, right?!…yet, there is a place in the middle of those two…a place of trusted sharing that is a place of both security and sovereignty…of support and intentional listening…of love and compassion…only you can determine who these people or person may be for you…use this wisely, and for the good of all involved in whatever it is that you are going through at this time…

SO…. Now what?….

“We must have the strength of structure, and the trust in ourselves and the Universe, to support the depth of our creations and desires.” ~ Kathryn Dawe ~ your Practical Empowerment Strategist and Coach